Welcome. I read parts of your blog-an amazing story of family life. There's a great thread we have on bedwetting--not sure if this is happening with Peter or if accidents are just happening in the daytime but I did want to share this link with you, as it is most informative:
http://www.aplaceofourown.org/boards...ght=bedwetting
In addition, I am wondering, if your frustration and investment in his potty learning can be neutralized so it's completely his own timeline. I don't think rewards with potty learning are that healthy. Body awareness is about feeling-which he is actually doing when he tells you he likes the feel of pee on his skin. (You can suggest to him there are other ways to enjoy that feeling, like by taking a warm bath.) When you introduce rewards with body functions, I think you take away the real cause and effect that you want your child to learn, which is their body feeling something and then needing to do something in relation to that feeling. I know the reward system, especially with potty learning, is extremely common, and works with lots of children, but if you read the posts here, so many times this backfires. (I actually think that kids that don't go for the rewards are actually so much more in tune with what's really going on--and are holding on to something very personal that cannot be traded in for a reward. as an adult this can be a very positive trait.)
To lessen your emotional investment in his potty learning, I would really focus on ways to elimate your frustration with this issue. is it the clean-up that's annoying? or wanting him to be more developmentally on track with his peers? If accidents are frustrating you, have a little bucket with absorbent cloths and make it within easy reach for him so he can clean up. Prepare his bed so you have many waterproof layers so stripping the bed is simple, and show him how to do this. If he's okay with wearing pull-ups to school, and you prepare for accidents at school with extra clothes, then that's where he is right now. I would not do or say anything punitive about his potty learning. and I would not overly praise him if he goes without accidents etc. I would praise him in a way that's very specific, like, "You really are thinking about what makes you feel comfortable and you're taking action, that must make you feel great."
Hope any of these thoughts are helpful. Let us know.
-goodenoughmother
My 8.5 yr old fas/pdd/seizure adopted son still in pullups
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